They hurt..............

Each of us have our own reminders of a life that we would rather forget. My reminders however, can not be covered up with clothing in the middle of summer or while swimming. My wedding day came crashing down on me when it came time to place the rings. You see, my scars are on my hands and fingers. Way back then I was a fighter. See these are defensive scars. These scars hurt me because of what they represent to me. They represent a child who was maliciously beaten. Who at a young age, had to protect himself no matter the cost. What kind of pressure is that to be putting on a young child? Then you have the scars that aren't seen. The mental and emotional. But I degress, we are talking about my hands. The instruments I use everyday, driving, meeting new people, purchasing items. Holding my wife is especially hard. Someone, somewhere, once told me they loved me yet my hands say differently. How could a woman feel safe in these hands of pain? How could she want to place a ring on the finger of the hand that will remind her of a time in her husbands life that will always be ever present? These hands will hold her children. Can she trust them? It's not that I don't like my hands. I don't like the scars on them. They hurt.........I'm sitting here now typing and stopping to look at my hands and crying. Crying because I just realized my wife and kids see my hands. My kids have asked me where the scars are from and I respond by lying, "I dunno". My hands that are supposed to do good things, which they do, also cause pain when doing nothing. They hurt..............