It Stops With Me!
Do Abused Become Abusers?
When I hear the word “Abuse”, the first thing I think of is the memories of a childhood that I wished had never happened. Statistics state that abused children grow up to be abusers. In her article, “Do Sexually Abused Kids Become Abusers?” by Salynn Boyles for WebMD Health News, she suggests that after new research the risks are smaller than previously thought. There was a study done in London where 224 male victims of sexual assault were identified and background searches performed. Most of these subjects were 20 years or older when the study was performed. Twenty-six out of the 224 were found to have committed sexual offenses against children. That’s only 12%. As a victim of physical and sexual abuse I firmly believe that our actions are our own when we have reached 18 years of age. Think about how these statistics came about. Someone would commit a sex crime and then say that it had happened to them so they thought it was normal. After so many of these cases people started to take notice and record the numbers.
When I was 9 years old I was informed of the things I had endured in my short life. Two years later the past would repeat itself for 3 more years. At this time in the 1980’s child abuse was becoming nationally recognized. Social Services investigating these cases would later say that the mother or father of the child had experienced abuse as a child. Therefore, the cycle repeated. I think it was just easier to blame someone else rather than take responsibility for their actions. I don’t doubt that maybe they had a rough child hood. I just find it hard to believe that they didn’t have the strength to be better than that person who had mistreated them. I was only 13 when I made up my mind to not become part of these statistics. What I didn’t realize was that I was on the road to doing just that as long as I used my past as an excuse for the trouble I got into.
I would be disruptive in school, runaway from home, lie, cheat, and steal my way through my teen years. When I got into trouble I would tell the story of my childhood to gain sympathy and hopefully receive mercy in my punishment. More often than not it was to get myself out of trouble. It’s this way of thinking that some criminals hold to. I was 18 when I realized that this was only going to get me so far before my luck would run out.
I was in my early twenties when I met someone who was as rebellious as I was. I shared my life story with her and she posed a very thought provoking question, “Don’t you think your falling into the traps of the system by getting into trouble anyway? So in essence you are becoming a statistic.” So I found or developed a new way to rebel. They say I will be an abuser, I AM NOT! They say I am more likely to follow the criminal lifestyle, I AM NOT! They say I will not be a productive member of society, I say, I WILL! All of these things I will or will not do are of my own doing, not for any other reason. Although, I despise my childhood, it has done one thing. It has made me strong enough to recognize what the statistics say and that I know I don’t want to be a part of those statistics. I would like to be a part of the statistic that says abused children CAN and DO stop the pattern of abuse. It stops with me.
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I love it! “It stops with me” Absolutely, why so many adults use their childhood to continue the abuse to another is beyond me! We all have a choice and all know right from wrong. Very well said Stuart!